The Sexuality Trap, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, nearness, love, and well-being .
When issues occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI click to investigate coach who works mainly with gay guys, says that a lot of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," check here North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay guys want to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!