The Sexuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to incredibly right here hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cities, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay men want to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!