The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, making love brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with reference our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urban areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I think this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
When useful link the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!