The Sexuality Temptation, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
However when issues occur, this hyperlink those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that many of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urban areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow with time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!