The Sexuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great as well).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
When problems review occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in metropolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
Nevertheless, Bonuses North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!