The Sexuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest see post as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that many of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in metropolitan areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
However, North includes, "I think this is a Homepage ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!