The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, closeness, wellness, and love .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sex. If a potential partner try these out is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to anonymous be great?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, More Info and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!