The Sex Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, closeness, well-being, and love .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, states that many of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste More about the author your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" click over here now chemistry occur, though often it can grow blog with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, goals, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!