The Sex Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex brings immense meaning and effects.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely would not confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that many of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. If a site web prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, many gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!