The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and men use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries tremendous significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily click here to read with gay males, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. If a possible partner is going to be sexually suitable, lots of gay guys desire to find out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!