The Sex Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to very tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), that makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that much of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, motivates sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, numerous gay males want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather Continued than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, requirements, and values -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!