The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings of go attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, states advice that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there like it or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!