The Sex Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and repercussions.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to exceptionally tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled more , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .
But when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in metropolitan locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining look what i found chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, goals, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!