The Sex Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), which makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , leading to effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, wellness, and closeness .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a number of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, many gay guys desire to discover out from the starting. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to my latest blog post be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often why not check here it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart this link (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!