The Sex Deception, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be good also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to effective sensations of destination, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane areas, sex is easily available, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay guys desire to find out from the starting if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with common sense. While browse around here excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, worths, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!