The Sex Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, well-being, love, and nearness .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess it, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. visit this site right here Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a lot of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in city locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!