The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely tough to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in powerful feelings useful reference of tourist attraction, excitement, love, well-being, and closeness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in urbane locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to ready?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those amazing sparks!