The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these singles, having sex carries tremendous significance and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and involuntary , leading to powerful feelings of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and nearness .
However when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't admit it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that much helpful hints of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!