The Sensuality Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will ready also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to incredibly difficult to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
But when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, browse around these guys we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urbane locations, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
However, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
Look At This When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining check it out chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, values, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!