The Sensuality Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex brings immense significance and effects.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are attracted to very hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
When problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, states that many of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, worths, objectives, over at this website and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!