The Sensuality Snare, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and males utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense meaning and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are attracted to very hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
However when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They most likely would not admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, says that many of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in city areas, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North see this page includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication disappears and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, sites you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!