The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the HeadAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these songs, having sex brings tremendous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be great too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with somebody we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
However when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men particularly in city locations, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. Lots of gay males wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't right here "make" chemistry take place, though in some cases it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and values -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!