The Sensuality Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready too).
B.more frequently, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to very difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
However when problems emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They this contact form most likely wouldn't admit it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that numerous of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane areas, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, worths, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!