The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous significance and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other person might be a match on levels besides physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective feelings of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urban areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is crucial. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow with time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and read this post here reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with common sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, site web requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!