The Sensuality Lure, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great also).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are brought in to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful sensations of destination, excitement, wellness, love, and nearness .
When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by believing, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is excellent!" They more than likely would not confess, but they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that many of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in urbane locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
Nevertheless, North adds, "I believe this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes it can grow in time.
Singles who pursue find out this here a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should Source balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, worths, requirements, and objectives -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!