The Sensuality Lure, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and males use love to get sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these singles, having sex brings tremendous meaning and consequences.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormones are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, love, and well-being .
But when issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is terrific!" They probably wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that a Check This Out number of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in city locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, motivates sexual activity. Numerous gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is crucial. Chemistry is a provided that we why not try here cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow in time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and values -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!