The Sensuality Deception, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the SkullAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be excellent as well).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , causing powerful sensations of destination, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably would not confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay guys, states that a number of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in urban areas, sex is easily click resources available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow over time.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, objectives, requirements, and worths -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!