The Sensuality Catch, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, having sex carries enormous meaning and consequences.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are uncontrolled and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got issues, but the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in urban areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical look, motivates sex. Lots of gay guys want to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually useful source compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
However, North adds, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with common sense. While good sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!