The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to make love with somebody we are drawn in to exceptionally tough to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , resulting in effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, nearness, well-being, and love .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that Your Domain Name much of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan locations, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a offered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting triggers!