The Intimacy Temptation, Balancing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles analyze good sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these singles, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is great then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to very tough to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of tourist attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
But when problems occur, those who fall under the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't admit it, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay males, says that many of his customers have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys especially in city locations, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be good?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a given that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon click here to read sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means combining chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting sparks!