The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, making love carries enormous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to very difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and involuntary , resulting in powerful feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, well-being, nearness, and love .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is terrific!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who visit this site right here works mostly with gay males, states that a number of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a possible partner is going to be sexually compatible, lots of gay guys desire to discover out from the beginning. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to explain that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This indicates combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those interesting stimulates!