The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is comparable to the Love Trap, where singles interpret great sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), that makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are attracted to extremely hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, love, nearness, and well-being .
When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by thinking, "Well, we've got read here issues, but the sex is excellent!" They most likely wouldn't confess, however they focus link on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay males, says that much of his customers have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men specifically in cosmopolitan company website locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though in some cases it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!