The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the BrainAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. But those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further because for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical tourist attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), which makes the chance to make love with somebody we are brought in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce Visit This Link feelings), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, love, closeness, and wellness .
When issues arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They probably wouldn't confess it, but they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that much of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay males specifically in city locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?". his comment is here
Nevertheless, North adds, "I presume this is pop over here a ' man' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication diminishes and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, goals, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting triggers!