The Intimacy Snare, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the NogginAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males utilize love to get sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and repercussions.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will ready also).
B.more typically, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), that makes the chance to have sex with somebody we are attracted to extremely difficult to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective feelings of tourist attraction, excitement, closeness, wellness, and love .
However when issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. If a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable, numerous gay guys want to find out from the starting. Why waste your time if the Read Full Article sex isn't going to be great?".
Nonetheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing instead of a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a provided that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow in time.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication subsides and truth hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you must balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with typical sense. While good sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner choices by paying complete attention to your vision, requirements, values, and goals -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!