The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men utilize love to obtain sex." This is a terrific summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex brings tremendous meaning and effects.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good as well).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body reacts to someone we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), makings the chance to make love with someone we are attracted to incredibly difficult to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , leading to powerful feelings of destination, enjoyment, love, closeness, and wellness .
However when issues emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got issues, however the sex is great!" They more than likely wouldn't confess it, but they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that a lot of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay men especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry my blog is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though sometimes other it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This indicates integrating chemistry with good sense. While great sex is essential for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying complete focus on your vision, values, objectives, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing stimulates!