The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the NogginAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to get sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther because for these songs, having sex carries tremendous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a necessary test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready too).
B.more commonly, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual find desire), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, closeness, and love .
But when problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual tourist attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay males, says that much of his customers have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males especially in cosmopolitan areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do desire to point out that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though sometimes it can grow gradually.
Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!