The Intimacy Pitfall, Stabilizing Hormones and the CraniumAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs translate excellent sex as love. However those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, having sex brings immense meaning and consequences.
Songs fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:
A.they think sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is good then the relationship will be excellent also).
B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
Rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to communicate with truth when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body reacts to somebody we are brought in to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the chance to make love with someone we are drawn in to very hard to resist. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce feelings), which makes us feel extremely close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical reactions are uncontrolled and strong , causing effective feelings of tourist attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
But when problems emerge, those who fall under the Sex Trap typically justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They more than likely wouldn't confess, however they prioritize physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay men, says that a lot of his clients have actually fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay click for more men specifically in urbane areas, sex is easily available, and that in itself is a trap," North states. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".
Nevertheless, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is very important. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow over time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While excellent sex is necessary for a sustainable relationship, you need to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, objectives, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!