The Intimacy Lure, Balancing Hormones and the MindAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and males use love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs analyze great sex as love. But those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further since for these songs, making love carries enormous significance and consequences.
Singles fall into the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:
A.they believe sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will ready also).
B.more frequently, all consciousness heads out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other person may be a match on levels other than physical destination-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormones are cutting loose. Our body reacts to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone (increases sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with someone we are drawn in to very difficult to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), makings us feel really close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing powerful feelings of attraction, enjoyment, love, well-being, and closeness .
When issues emerge, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically rationalize by believing, "Well, check these guys out we've got issues, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably would not confess, but site they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their primary searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, says that much of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys particularly in cosmopolitan areas, sex is readily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sex. Many gay males want to find out from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".
However, North includes, "I suspect this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the collaboration to work. If not there, we cannot "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormonal agents) with your head. This implies integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is very important a knockout post for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, worths, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!