The Intimacy Deception, Balancing Hormones and the SkullAs I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating dilemma and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to obtain love, and guys use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs analyze excellent sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries enormous meaning and repercussions.
Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be good also).
B.more typically, all awareness heads out the window, and one or both previously level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they have sex.
So, rather than looking at whether this other person may be a match on levels aside from physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), makings the chance to have sex with someone we are brought in to exceptionally hard to withstand. After orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts on the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel very close to and bonded with our sex partner.
These chemical responses are involuntary and strong , causing effective feelings of attraction, enjoyment, wellness, nearness, and love .
When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They most likely would not admit it, but they focus on physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main searching tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works mostly with gay men, states that many of his clients have fallen into the Sex Trap.
" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is readily available, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sex. Many gay males desire to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to ready?".
North includes, "I believe this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to mention that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a given that we can't control in a websites relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though sometimes it can grow with time.
When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and truth hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure.
To avoid the Sex Trap, you need to balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means integrating chemistry with typical sense. While great sex is crucial for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner choices by paying full focus on your vision, values, requirements, and goals -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!