The Intimacy Catch, Stabilizing Hormonal Agents and the CraniumAs I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating problem and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women utilize sex to get love, and guys use love to get sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."
The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles interpret good sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even further due to the fact that for these songs, having sex carries immense significance and effects.
Songs fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 ways:
A.they think sex is a essential test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will be great too).
B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a committed couple as soon as they make love.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual might be a match on levels aside from physical destination-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.
No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with reality when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to somebody we are drawn in to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts sexual desire), that makes the opportunity to make love with somebody we are brought in to exceptionally tough to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near and bonded with our sex partner.
These chain reactions are uncontrolled and strong , leading to effective sensations of attraction, excitement, closeness, love, and well-being .
When problems arise, those who fall into the Sex Trap often justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.
Barry North, an RCI coach who works primarily with gay guys, says that a lot of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.
" For gay guys specifically in cities, sex is readily offered, and that in itself Website is a trap," North states. "In addition, the culture, with its emphasis on physical appearance, encourages sex. Numerous gay men wish to learn from the beginning if a prospective partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't really going to be great?".
North includes, "I think this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do want to explain that chemistry is very important. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it needs to be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry occur, though often it can grow gradually.
When the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry danger relationship failure.
To prevent the Sex Trap, you should stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This implies combining chemistry with good sense. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full attention to your vision, values, goals, and requirements -- while feeling all those amazing triggers!